The Skunkeye Consumer Guide

Joyeux Noel!

Wonderful morning at Smithers! Maybe I bought too many presents. Poodle/snowman cards worked well, though.

Sister is engaged (inevitable) and that's all we will be hearing about all year.
Protective older brother thang. Disregard.

So, today, after the presents, I stole back to my bahay kubo to chill. Ventured out into my cold, lonely alley for a cigarette and noticed a white woman all turned out for the holidays- green puffy jacket, colourful make-up, elf boots, Santa Hat.

So I says, 'Heys. You sure all decked out!"

And she says, "Funny you should say that!"

And produces a DECK of cards from her green puffy (now looking kinda dirty) jacket.

She then goes on about this mess about that she has been in various women's shelters today(and makes a point that she cannot say their names due to association but I manged to get her to s-p-e-l-l them out).

She's departed apparently cos she has pissed the shelter folk of in a game of "guess who I am?" when they tape the name of somebody on your back and you have to query. She instantly guessed "Julia Roberts" and she was deadon. Pissed every one off. Appaently, she's psychic.

Told her my name was "Taylor," then "Hubbard." like Old Mother. She said she likes fairy tales and said I was a king.

She tells me in her previous days she was a telephone psychic and I do believe her.

And then she goes on to tell me she did not speak until she was 35 and that she DOES have a family to go home to (I really, really hope so,,, her outrageous outfit and demeanour seeming more and moe schizo to me, do not want her to be out there freezing and am not in the position o take her in)

I asked her name and she sid "Which one?"

"Whatever one you like the best," I said.

"Matty Rains"

Rains. Like her folks "reigned her in," she said. Or when it "rains, it pours..."

I hope she does have a place to go home to. Not much I can do, gave her some cigarettes.

I said as she was leaving, "Hang in there on the holidays!" And she did the noose motion.

On a later smoke break she walked through my alley past me and did not even recognize me.

Vacance

Off to the Beach day after Christmas - looking forward to fresh air, quiet, books, and rest. Will be gone about a week. Building is a ghost town today but I have to stick around awaiting the UPS delivery of a replacement James Bond phone - this time I'm paying. Happy Holidays!

Doppelganger?

Not related to my world, but could be a lost brother I didn't know about. Brilliant!!!!

Hope Lange

Peyton Place actress Hope Lange passed away. She was also in Blue Velvet.

House of Cards

Been sick with a cold the last couple of days - must have been all those multiple runs hauling all that drink and food and ice into the building during the freezing rain. The good thing is that the VOA East Asia & Pacific Division Holiday Party was a success! It all fell down upon me to organize as I expected and as always.. I am so grateful to the Tibetan Chief and the Thai Service for really, truly coming through. I think people were well fed - actually it was beastly - as I put the pad thai down and folks were literally tearing apart the foil, ripping into it like recent escapees from some re-education camp in Mongolia. Like animals. The Man of course was a peacock and did not lift a finger except to re-configure the tables to suit his needs after we had sweated to set them up. Of course he wanted a buffet to please the higher ups and was chagrined that much of the Asian food was gone by the time they showed. Exactly for whom is this party for anyways? I was too bushed and coming down with the flu to eat or have a good time.
So Friday I was truly ill and called in. Caught this strange movie on TV with Kathleen Turner and Tommy Lee Jones called House of Cards. Muy Bizarro. It had all these obscure Italian and Israeli sounding producers so I figure it was released straight to video or the foreign market. Turner plays this architect whose archeologicist husband fell off a Incan ruin and died and the young daughter witnessess it and develops latent autism when they return to the States. She keeps on climbing up high places and doesn't talk but screeches when things are out of place. Child psychologist Jones, who has a gift, tries to crack the young girl. Mama Turner (think the actress was heavily drinking at this point - v. slurry and bloated) thinks the child is a genius because she builds this amazing house of cards. She's afraid that if her child loses this autism she will lose her uncanny design skills and is in total denial and fights the system even though the kid climbs all the way up a 150 foot crane at one of her projects and scares every body and widowed architect mama almost loses custody. Architect mama has this computer program that tries to figure out scans of photos of her kid's house of cards (v. Tron) and she determines from her analysis of her house of cards that the kid just wants to build a spiral to the moon because thats where the Mexican man told her thats where her dad went. Meanwhile the kid fools Dr. Jones in one scene when she is in the observation booth playing with paint and he has to step away due to some emergency in the autistic children's center. He comes back and he can't find her - she has all painted a camoflouge on herself like a gecko or chameleon and is standing by the window, hidden with the foliage. That was pretty cool. Mama Turner meanwhile builds a huge spiral in the back yard thinking that it is the key to bringing back her daughter. But she falls asleep, negligent (I mean, she should be looking after her autistic child), and the daughter escapes from the house and freaks out while climbing on the spiral in the full moon. Then it is morning and Dr. T.L. Jones finds the kid wandering in a field and brings her to the spiral which he didn't know about. The kid goes back on the spiral and then breaks out of her autism and hugs and finally talks to Mama Turner. Everyone is happy and Dr. Jones doesn't even get pissed off that Mama Trner was more of an expert. Then Mama Turner asks Dr. T.L. Jones if he wants to have breakfast beacause she sure hasn't had any yet. And maybe the widow will hook up with the eccentric doctor and they will all live happily ever after. They don't show that but one can only conjecture.
I also saw Uma Turman and Nicole Kidman on Ellen and The View respectively and they were both radiant. I only seems to watch TV when I'm sick...
Also yesterday when I was home sick it was good I was here because Daniel's G4 arrived and since his English is limited he didn't know how to set it up nor how to get the internet connected. I was able to help him. I wish I could buy a G4. He sill doesn't have a job and is living off my rent and whatever Sugar Daddy gives him. He's also fallen back on his really druggy, circuit queen ways. Today for the holidays I gave him a book called I Need A Job - Now What Do I Do About It? It seemed very easy to understand and had lots of pictures. I don't think he appreciated the reality check.
I've got most of my presents wrapped, now I just have to get them over to Smithers. The horrible thing about having a cold is that I can't risk exposing her - last time she was in the hospital with pneumonia for three months! Dad arrived from Korea today.
I saw Somethings Gotta Give today in Georgetown. It was completely predictable but I think Diane Keaton is swell. Also she has really cool taste in art and photography. I think I bothered every one in the theater because I was hacking the whole time.

Mon Ami, Ma Mobile: Reqieum pour un Telephone

What a pisser! I lost my James Bond phone Saturday night somewhere between a party here, Cafe Saint-Ex, and Habana Village. I also think I broke a toe. Fantastic night though, with MJ and her charming lovely medical student/triathelete friend S and J from Down South. It was really like what a night out on the town should be like. We felt and looked amazing, laughing and dancing, exploring and enjoying my hood. Should not have given S that Newport. Big faux pas for those serious athletes. J almost called off the engagement.

I am experiencing waves of grief about my phone today. Yesterday I just was in denial. I suppose I shouldn't feel so badly because the phone was free (it sometimes helps that my Dad is golf buddies with the CEO of Samsung in Korea). I had just gotten used to luxury of it and now it is hard to go back. I feel highly inconvenienced as I realise (sadly) that the phone was my lifeline. I'm already misisng that friendly buzz when its on "vibrate." The "Back on the Chain Gang" ring tone. The internet access. And the camera! No more taking pictures of my boss behind his back - pissing in the bathroom, asleep at his desk.

My poor phone is probably buried in a snow bank right now.

Charming Dick

Today the Vietnamese Service had a nice despidida/retirement party for Dick. He has been working for the government for 60 years! He came to VOA in 1962 after serving as PAO in Taiwan, Thailand, and Hong Kong and serving in the Pacific War. I don’t think he is ready to retire but he has had a taxing year, with some health problems and also his son passed away. Aside from being Service Chief for Vietnamese and Thai, he also has been writing this great radio series “All About Idioms” for year – he has all these great slang dictionaries that I use all the time. He had wanted to pass the torch and have me write the features but I was lame. I also didn’t think there was any way I could live up to his legacy.

Such a charming man with great stories about Asia– very The Quiet American. His wife (second or third, definitely younger) is a grand dame Vietnamese who is also a skilled Chinese brush painter/teacher. He is really well loved and I’m going to miss him greatly after this month.

Although the Vietnamese party was really nice, it was small, and he needs a grander send-off. The Great Vietnamese Accident of December 2003 occurred today when stupid security made Trang and Stephanie put the food through the x-ray machine (I mean, how idiotic – like they would put land mines in the glass noodles) and everything spilled all over the place and two dishes were ruined. Trang was very upset. It was a mess downstairs. I made Jay yell at security for being Nazis.

Speaking of messes… I walked into the room of Bumblefuck house mate, the clumsy, hairy one (you should see the carpet in the tub) and could help but burst out laughing. He had broken two of Daniel’s antique chairs – I mean split in all sorts of directions, all over the place… he is THAT clumsy. So very unwise of Daniel to bring him into the house without my meeting him first. Any one could tell that our house is too small and too fragile for a 250-pound gorilla.

I have to organize the goddam office Christmas party once again at the very last minute. Basically it is a completely unsentimental feeding frenzy with a cast of thousands. Wish me good cheer.

Walk Away Skunkeye

I’ve been listening to The Left Banke’s Walk Away Renee repeatedly over the last few days. What a lovely bittersweet song. My theme for the week. Am tempted to tack the compilation There's Gonna Be a Storm onto my Amazon Christmas order but it is way outta stock and I’m not paying fifty bucks when I already own their two significant tracks, Renee and Desiree (also the name of a favourite co-worker – must burn it for her). I don’t know how much “baroque rock” I can take, you know…

Speaking of Christmas gifts I think I might have my shopping pretty much done. I’m actually a little sad because I enjoy picking out gifts for family and friends so much and now it is over with. I’m hardly mister PC but I am a bit proud that everything I purchased was from local establishments (aside from a small Amazon order). We had nasty snow and cold over the weekend and rather than resign myself to shut-in status I decided to brave the elements Saturday morning and get the mess over and done with. The new stores on 14th (Go Mama Go!, Garden District, HomeRule, etc) were donating 10% of their proceeds to the Whitman Walker Clinic so I guess I’ve made my charitable contribution for the year. I got paper-white bulbs from Garden District, Japanese teacups from Go Mama Go!, and aquarium gravel from Companions, put them together, and gave the ladies the flowering concoctions for the holidays. So fucking nelly…

Speaking of local establishments, I was saddened to discover on Friday evening that my fave local record haunt, DCCD, is going out of business. The owner was really defeated when I spoke to him. I guess they opened during the “boom” (when I was in exile in Asia) and have been struggling lately. They really have a prime spot on the main Adams Morgan drag 18th street (and so convenient to my digs) but I guess people are only buying their music at chain stores or from Amazon. When I told Daniel my Chinese gay housemate about the closing he was like, “oh, the store that sells weird music…” Ironically, I caught High Fidelity on TV this weekend. The staff was always really informed while being really nice and accommodating and the selection was pretty good. A lot of garage stuff that I dig. They will be having big sales until they liquidate so I will be visiting often. Every one should. ‘Tis the season. Already have my eye on finally completing my Nikki Sudden collection.

The Passing of Cool

David Hemmings 1941 - 2003

I was saddened to learn this morning that actor David Hemmings passed away while shooting a film. He had taken a long break from acting and had recently started working on camera again. With Terrence “Billy Budd” Stamp, Michael “Alfie” Caine, John “Danger:Diabolik” Philip Law, and other actors who epitomized the swinging London of the sixties finding revived interest, appreciation, and popularity, his death is particularly untimely. Antonioni's Blow-Up, of course, is one of my favorite films. David Hemmings played a photographer based on that chronicler of cool David Bailey, who gets mixed up in some questionable business with Vanessa Redgrave. Jane Birkin also makes her film debut in Blow-Up, playing one of models humiliated by David Bailey's manipulative and cold photographer. He was also in Barbarella.

Several years ago I read that he was in the Philippines for some reason. I really wanted to use my connections to meet with the legend. I was a bit saddened because movie stars and musicians usually wind up in Manila when they are completely washed up. Or they are strictly B-List. Like Jean-Claude Van Damme who hit on my friend Giselle Tongi in a hotel lobby and caused great scandal. It was fun to tease her about that. There is a (false) rumor that Mark Almond was living in the hills of Baguio. Many former celebrities settle in the Philippines because the women and boys are beautiful and available and it is also relatively inexpensive to live there. Many faded rockers also tour and even moved there because they still have an audience - Filipinos are very sentimental about the classics. Gary Lewis, son of Jerry Lewis, of Gary & the Pacemakers (they were bigger than the Beatles when they played at the Araneta Coliseum), married a Filipina (actually my friend, Manila's "It" Girl of the sixties, Gemma’s sister). I believe some of the Platters, or some permuation of the group, are still decaying in the Philippines - had one crazy Christmas night at the Residence when they were scheduled to perform, arrived way late, drunk out of their minds, and sang "The Great Pretender" and the "The Great Bartender."

But I digress... I wanted to meet David Hemmings but he had already left the country. Smart move on his part.

For deatils on David Hemmings:

Guardian
Globe & Mail
Reuters

Ask Skunkeye Some More

Kooshi, a seven-year-old mixed breed shorthair cat, hisses from his perch on the window ledge, inside his home in Rishon Letzion, Israel, Tuesday, Dec. 2, 2003. The Israeli cat was banned by a local officials from circulating freely outside, apparently because its jet black color was frightening the residents. (AP Photo/Barak Pachter)

I know, I know, I've been horrendously lazy with this blog as of late. I promise to write soon about 21 Grams, In America, pumpkin risotto, delightful flowering winter plants, and the rough trade my housemate is keeping in my house much to my displeasure. I need an intern for this shit. In the interim, here are non-answers to your search queries:

1. backs on blonds movies
I have no idea. The only thing I can think of is like when in the opening credits of old James Bond movie they project things like lava-lamp designs on their backs and silhouetes.

2. paris hilton + geeting out of car
I think I know what you are trying to find, dude. And I'm not posting it. The photo is more than likely doctored so that really isn't her snatch. "Geeting"...? Are you French?

3. Paris Hilton video on MJ in the morning
I've never seen/heard of MJ in the morning. Is it this? I don't think they will be showing the video though because of lawyers and all. And I don't think Paris will be appearing beacuse she has cancelled all appearances due to her profound shame. Watch The Simple Life tonight, though.

4. 1/2 price salty anal weiner bugers
Alright, alright, either somebody really knows what they want or is really desperate. Out of kindness, I will direct you here. I hereby wash my hands clean. Paris, you have been good to me, but I'm going to have to cut this relationship off.

5. fidel ramos+south seas pearl+national
Its funny because I personally know Fidel Ramos. He is the former president of the Philippines. Spent a lovely Christmas eve with them once. As or South Sea Pearls, I refer to my friend Kitty's Financial Times article elsewhere in my blog. Happy hunting!