The Skunkeye Consumer Guide

The Passing of Cool

David Hemmings 1941 - 2003

I was saddened to learn this morning that actor David Hemmings passed away while shooting a film. He had taken a long break from acting and had recently started working on camera again. With Terrence “Billy Budd” Stamp, Michael “Alfie” Caine, John “Danger:Diabolik” Philip Law, and other actors who epitomized the swinging London of the sixties finding revived interest, appreciation, and popularity, his death is particularly untimely. Antonioni's Blow-Up, of course, is one of my favorite films. David Hemmings played a photographer based on that chronicler of cool David Bailey, who gets mixed up in some questionable business with Vanessa Redgrave. Jane Birkin also makes her film debut in Blow-Up, playing one of models humiliated by David Bailey's manipulative and cold photographer. He was also in Barbarella.

Several years ago I read that he was in the Philippines for some reason. I really wanted to use my connections to meet with the legend. I was a bit saddened because movie stars and musicians usually wind up in Manila when they are completely washed up. Or they are strictly B-List. Like Jean-Claude Van Damme who hit on my friend Giselle Tongi in a hotel lobby and caused great scandal. It was fun to tease her about that. There is a (false) rumor that Mark Almond was living in the hills of Baguio. Many former celebrities settle in the Philippines because the women and boys are beautiful and available and it is also relatively inexpensive to live there. Many faded rockers also tour and even moved there because they still have an audience - Filipinos are very sentimental about the classics. Gary Lewis, son of Jerry Lewis, of Gary & the Pacemakers (they were bigger than the Beatles when they played at the Araneta Coliseum), married a Filipina (actually my friend, Manila's "It" Girl of the sixties, Gemma’s sister). I believe some of the Platters, or some permuation of the group, are still decaying in the Philippines - had one crazy Christmas night at the Residence when they were scheduled to perform, arrived way late, drunk out of their minds, and sang "The Great Pretender" and the "The Great Bartender."

But I digress... I wanted to meet David Hemmings but he had already left the country. Smart move on his part.

For deatils on David Hemmings:

Guardian
Globe & Mail
Reuters

Ask Skunkeye Some More

Kooshi, a seven-year-old mixed breed shorthair cat, hisses from his perch on the window ledge, inside his home in Rishon Letzion, Israel, Tuesday, Dec. 2, 2003. The Israeli cat was banned by a local officials from circulating freely outside, apparently because its jet black color was frightening the residents. (AP Photo/Barak Pachter)

I know, I know, I've been horrendously lazy with this blog as of late. I promise to write soon about 21 Grams, In America, pumpkin risotto, delightful flowering winter plants, and the rough trade my housemate is keeping in my house much to my displeasure. I need an intern for this shit. In the interim, here are non-answers to your search queries:

1. backs on blonds movies
I have no idea. The only thing I can think of is like when in the opening credits of old James Bond movie they project things like lava-lamp designs on their backs and silhouetes.

2. paris hilton + geeting out of car
I think I know what you are trying to find, dude. And I'm not posting it. The photo is more than likely doctored so that really isn't her snatch. "Geeting"...? Are you French?

3. Paris Hilton video on MJ in the morning
I've never seen/heard of MJ in the morning. Is it this? I don't think they will be showing the video though because of lawyers and all. And I don't think Paris will be appearing beacuse she has cancelled all appearances due to her profound shame. Watch The Simple Life tonight, though.

4. 1/2 price salty anal weiner bugers
Alright, alright, either somebody really knows what they want or is really desperate. Out of kindness, I will direct you here. I hereby wash my hands clean. Paris, you have been good to me, but I'm going to have to cut this relationship off.

5. fidel ramos+south seas pearl+national
Its funny because I personally know Fidel Ramos. He is the former president of the Philippines. Spent a lovely Christmas eve with them once. As or South Sea Pearls, I refer to my friend Kitty's Financial Times article elsewhere in my blog. Happy hunting!

1/2 Price Anal Salty Weiner Bugers

By now every one and their mother across the universe has seen The Paris Hilton Video. I’m not going to bother posting a link; if you haven’t experienced it just run a google. Just don’t do it in the office or at a public internet café.

Here is The Other Paris Hilton Video. Brilliant. Do we really have to wait until December?

While I’m peddlin’ smut on this rainy, dreary November day… The first blog by a professional? Well-written and funny, too: Belle de Jour

Isabel, I Barely Knew Ya...

I’ve been back from my holiday at the beach four days and already it seems but a distant memory. I’m at the office today even though there is Federal leave due to Hurricane Isabel – its very empty here but the services managed to stay on the air.

Yesterday was a drag, the metro closed at 11 am so there was no point in coming.

Up early as usual I went out for coffee only to discover I would not be able to lounge al fresco since the shops had moved the outdoor furniture in. I ran into Biddy and I helped her buy hair products – its amazing what people prioritize in times of emergency. I went to the Soviet Safeway on 17th to get some Nutella – talk about priorities – but the lines were out of control. I went to the Latino market next door and discovered they have egg-shaped Caribou-like cheese like in the Philippines so I can fry that up with pan de sal. I moved my garden indoors and it really did transform the living room with all the flowers and fronds. The rains started and the power went off in the afternoon and I just lay all hot, bothered and unfit all night listening to the wind roar and the power came back on around 5 am.

I’m glad I’m here today even though the Man is being a pain in the ass. Had an impossible long meeting with the Lao Service about a war the Man started and finished the Highlights and have been working on some other bullshit that no one but the Man seems to car about. Doubt I’m getting credit for this risking my life to come here today. The only food available is McDonalds so I think I’ll fast.

A few notes from The Man during the "Gathering Storm," his words, not mine... oh fearless leader.

A few notes as Isabel closes in on us: The company that runs our vending machines restocked them yesterday and will send someone out again afternoon today to restock. The cleaning contractor has restocked supplies in all restrooms. Cots and blankets are being distributed around the area. If we lose power, More later as details emerge. Here's hoping 24 hours from now we'll be able to say it wasn't nearly as serious as it could have been. In the meantime, stay warm, dry ... and brave!

and

I want to say thanks to everyone in the East Asia & Pacific Division who
did so much to keep our operations running smoothly during typhoon
Isabel (we call them 'typhoons' in East Asia!).

A number of you came early, stayed overnight, or contributed in a myriad
of other ways to the steady, unbroken accomplishment of our mission.
All of the ways you contributed involved personal sacrifice and a
demonstration of your dedication. For this you deserve the heartiest of
congratulations on a job well done.

oh sweet...
The Outer Banks were great (and I hope the house is OK after the hurricane). The weather was iffy and the water was choppy but it was relaxing and healthy. Mom’s friend Nancy came for a visit and she is a lot of fun. She is allergic to carbohydrates. I walked to the pier every day, sometimes twice and made smoothies with my new machine. A great discovery is that if you run out of milk or yogurt and have a lot of bananas, a couple of ice-cream sandwiches in the mix really turns out to be a treat. I spent like a million dollars at the dollar store. Also finally read Running with Scissors and Paris to the Moon. The latter was especially delightful as it brought back memories of my childhood in France.

I'm always so rejuvenated and creative at the beach especially during off-season when I have long stretches to myself. Composed several albums worth of material in my head - now forgotten.

Also at the beach, watched Alphaville DVD, caught Louis Malle's Atlantic City by chance (Susan Saradon as croupier wannabe/fishmonger, Burt Lancaster aging gigolo/playa wannabe - really a gem). Made poor choice for family viewing night: House of Yes. Rather stagey incest comedy. Not appreciated.

Wednesday night I bribed MJ with dinner and went to see Goldfrapp at the 9:30 Club. I must say that was a very tight show production wise. First of all she looks amazing, like an East German prostitute in latex stilletto knee-high boots with a Patty Hearst cap. It was a very generous set although she did not perform “Brown Paper Bags.” She had this mini-theramin thing and played it like a big long sahrp penis. The band had two electric violin things which had orchestral effects and were truly sublime. Really a solid show.

The funny thing was MJ and and I were looking down at the audience and she told me she didn't understand the funny hats people were wearing. I pointed out that she is seeing the Trucker Hat. Yes, the fuglies have finally hit DC, soon to appear in neighborhoods near you.

Trucker hats go so far past uncool they get second life as doubly-ironic fashion statements... in Los Angeles. Snicker. : From NY Post today

September 19, 2003 -- IF anyone ever any doubt about whether New York
was more fashion-forward than Los Angeles, the Von Dutch clothing craze
now gripping the late sleepers of La-La land should end any debate.
Besides inspiring the odious "trucker hat" trend, the L.A.-based line of
hot-rod inspired duds has become de rigueur for clueless clotheshorses
Britney Spears, Fred Durst, Ricky Martin, Justin Timberlake, Tara Reid -
and every other bubble-headed boldfacer without a whit of fashion sense.
Halle Berry's husband, the gooey R&B crooner Eric Benet, is pictured in
the new Us Weekly and In Touch wearing a Von Dutch trucker hat and
t-shirt, accessorized with a "rough and tumble" wallet chain. Apparently
the Von Dutch victims actually believe they look good. Thankfully, New
Yorkers haven't taken the bait. Spotting Von Dutch duds at a stylish
soiree in this town is still rarer than finding a tray of lasagna
backstage at a fashion show.

Since the only place to buy music at the beach is Walmart and their selection is too "edgy" for me, I went crazy upon my return. Still going through my new music so do not have any definitive opinions:

1) British Sea Power- The Decline of British Sea Power
next to the Libertines, this is the big breakout for me this year. Awesome music, concept, etc. Will be playing this for a while.

2) Pretty Girls Make Graves Modern Romance– don’t like it yet- don’t like the chick'svoice and the lyrics are really junior high school. Maybe I'll like them later.

3) Lost in Translation OST – very mellow and dreamy. Have to be in the mood. New work form Kevin Shields (My Bloody Valentine). I hear he has a gut and is balding now. Well I guess so am I.

Its on the Emperor Norton label. I pretty much dig everything they put out.

4) Received Linda Perhacs Parralelograms in mail from Other Music. This is a great find - really beautiful, strange.

Orange Alert

While the building was shaking as Britney and Steve Tyler warmed up for our troops overseas in the rain at the Pepsi Vanilla National Mall, hordes of overweight Americans emerged from L'Enfant Plaza, helicopters and tanks gathered and I contemplated how to get home, things have been crazy at the Conde Nast building, coverage courtesy of gawker. This is great stuff...

Conde Nast Rumors
Either rumor or fact has gotten ugly, or at least, unfortunately not at all funny. Multiple reports from the Conde Nast building at 4 Times Square indicate that the "suspicious animal part" under investigation is in fact human. Worse, more than one person has reported it to be an umbilical cord. Eesh. We'll turn this one over to NY1 now.

On the other hand, some say: "I don't know where you got your information about the incident at CondeNast today but it is 99% fabricated [...] The item has not yet been identified [...] It also has not been determined if the item was left as a joke." Wait. Employees of Conde Nast fabricate things? Whoa. You're bumming my whole headtrip.

4 Times Square Nightmare Update!
Word has it that the Conde Nast Building nightmare first reported here -- in which every floor is reputed to be filled with bloody masses of animal or possibly even human parts -- is still ongoing. The scene is said to be reminiscent of The Poseidon Adventure, but with Lucky editor Alexandra Golonkin instead of Shelly Winters. Or perhaps The Towering Inferno, but with Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter playing the role of O.J. Simpson. The elevators are like those creepy blood-filled elevators in The Shining, we hear! A fresh report from the nightmarish horror show: "Ran into a cop on the elevator at 4 Time Sq. The place is crawling (with cops). The cop said she wasn't sure what the "animal parts" were. She didn't get to see it. Too many other cops. And people with walkie talkies. No sighting of Anna Wintour--coincidence?" We hardly think so.

Nightmare at 4 Times Square!
Preliminary reports from the scene of our hot breaking story, the Conde Nast animal parts in the janitorial area scandal, are horrifying beyond belief! One on-scene reporter took time from the riotous cafeteria hair-pulling contest to report that the "receptionist says it appears that it was a human birth."

More hardened souls are downplaying the extent to which MASSIVE AMOUNTS of ANIMAL or HUMAN PARTS are spread throughout the Conde Nast building: "Dears, Relax. No worries, it was just one of my own stray hairs which ran amok from the constraints of the gratis Paul Mitchell stiffening product we've all been enjoying. Sorry, it WILL NOT happen again. (Either that or it's a chicken bone c/o Popeye's takeout from casual Friday prior. Thanks Popeye's!)"

Parts is Parts
PETA should either be alerted or blamed. This email just went out office-wide at the magazine publisher Conde Nast:

"This morning an object that might possibly be an animal part was found in the 18th Floor janitorial area of the freight corridor.

At this time our security personnel is cooperating with an investigation that involves representatives from both the EMS and the NYPD.

As part of their routine investigation, it may be necessary to inspect other janitorial areas and/or employee bathrooms within 4 Times Square.

We appreciate your cooperation."

Send any and all relevant info -- including what animal parts Vogue editor Anna Wintour is wearing, dead or alive -- to us at [email protected].